There are times I sit around and think about the talents I have.
I can cook.
I can crochet.
I can sew.
I can read music.
I can play (ie, tinker) on the piano, french horn and clarinet.
I can sing (not as well as some, but better than the average bear.)
I can build a mean fort.
I can teach my kids to swim, write, think outside the box, and play together.
I can do yoga.
I can count calories.
I can write.
I can speak Spanish.
See, lots of talents. But for some reason most of these talents leaving me feeling pretty darn mediocre. I am not a chef, I can't write a crochet pattern, I can only sew simple things (don't ask me to sew a sleeve), I can play the piano, french horn and clarinet about as well as a beginning student. I can teach my kids certain things, but I have no clue how to teach them to read! I can do some yoga poses, but ask me to balance on my head, and it's over. I can write, but lack the confidence to write a book. And I speak Spanish, but refuse to speak to my husband who served a mission in Argentina.
See mediocre. I don't do any of these things spectacularly. None of these things set me apart from anyone else, except maybe that I do all of them sub-par! It really leaves you with an empty feeling, like what if something happened to Oswald and I had to provide for my family, could I really do it? Do I really have what it takes to turn one of these mediocre talents into something sustainable?
I've thought about teaching beginning piano lessons, but don't even know how to get started. I would love to teach my Buddy how to play, but always doubt my own abilities and then I always doubt his age or desire.
I always compare myself to others. My mom, for example, amazing pianist degrees in organ and music education. My sister, can sing beautifully. My sister-in-law is going to culinary school. Another sister-in-law is a great photographer. My MIL is a great designer/artist/repurposer. See all of these people have great talents that they can successfully share with others, mine just feel like hobbies that have slightly exploded (and not always in a good way).
I remember a conversation I had with a girlfriend right before I had my Buddy. I was talking about this same stuff and I finally decided that "I can be mediocre at all of these things, as long as I am really good at being a mom."
That's all I care about, being a good mom. I want my kids to look back on their childhood and have fond memories of their mom playing with them, making them cookies and rice crispy treats, reading them books, packing their lunch for school, going on field trips, ect. I want them to know I love being a mom! When my Princess tells others that she wants to be a mom when she grows up, I feel like I've succeeded because the only way she knows what it's like to be a mom is because of me. She watches my example and sees my joy in being a mother, and she wants to be just like me.
And it's a little scary.